Last Page
by Bonnie E
Summary: Spoilers for Episode 44. Chiriko's final thoughts. Was it all worthwhile?


_This is a short one-shot about the ever-underappreciated Chiriko. What was going through his mind in his final moments?_

**Last Page**   
by Bonnie E. 

I don't know much about Miboshi. He's an evil presence without a body of his own. He's a Seiryuu warrior who was trying to protect his own priestess and vanquish we Suzaku warriors. He takes over the bodies of others to survive. Now his heart beats as mine. I don't know anything else. But his life is dependant on mine. 

I'm fighting his influence, even now. Even now as I'm holding his talisman in our heart. He's trying to force me to remove it, but I'm still a bit stronger. He's growing weaker. He's dying. We're dying. 

It hurts so much... I never imagined it would hurt so much... 

I look out at my friends who are staring at me, terrified about what I've done. But this really is the only way, isn't it? Since this evil soul entered my body, I've fought it. But I don't have my mark right now...there's nothing else I can do. 

"I will heal his wounds at once," Mitsukake says. But I can't let him. As much as I want him to... 

"You can't. If you do, you'll be healing this thing inside of me, too. And he must die." 

"Chiriko, but then you'll die," the Priestess says. I know, Miaka. I'm not too smart like this, but I know that. 

"It's alright. This way, I take him with me," I say. But it's not really 'alright', is it? I really haven't been much help to any of you. I've failed you, my friends, the Priestess...and Suzaku himself. Maybe if I'd been stronger... but I'm not. I'm just a kid. And I'm only smart when I have my mark. 

I wish I was smart all the time. Maybe...maybe if I was smarter, then I'd have though of another way to beat this monster. If it had been anyone else... Mitsukake would have had the patience to drive him away...Tasuki, Tamahome, the strength... Chichiri, the wits... and Miaka, the determination. This demon chose me because I'm weak and useless. 

It's just as I always feared. That I'd let you all down - be useless to your cause. 

"Forgive me, please. I'm weak and I wasn't much help to you, was I?" I say. I want to apologize before... 

"What are you talking about? Your great courage to do what you just did saved our lives, didn't it?" Tamahome says. But it was my weakness that put all of you in danger in the first place... 

"Yeah. You're not weak at all. How could you even think like that?" Tasuki jumps in quickly to reassure me. But they're just being kind. I know. After all... If I'm so courageous, why am I so afraid right now? 

"Miaka, hurry and go. You have to stop the Priestess of Seiryuu," I plead. I know she has a good heart and doesn't want to go. But she has to. 

"Not yet," she replies. 

"You have to go now," Subaru says. "Is this boy's sacrifice for nothing?" 

My sacrifice... 

"Please go, Miaka," I plead. I don't want her to fail just because of me. I've already done enough. 

She nods, and they all stand and go, looking back at me reluctantly, as if they don't want to go. But then they run off towards the tower. All but two. For some reason, Tasuki and Mitsukake refuse to leave my side. 

"Mitsukake...Tasuki...please forget me and go..." 

I almost don't want to tell them that. I don't want to die alone. I'm so glad they decided to stay with me. 

"You'll be lonely by yourself. We'll stay a little longer." 

Mitsukake, you always seem to know these things, don't you? You know I don't want you to go. Thank you... 

And so we wait in silence. Wait for... 

I see. It's true that when you're on the brink of death, you look back on your life. Look back and see what you would have done differently, if not so caught in the moment. 

What was it all for? All the studying, all my work to pass the Kakyo exam? I so wanted to clear my father's name and secure a life for myself in Kounan. But there's no chance of that now. I looked so forward to working with you, Hotohori. Even though I don't know you all that well, I know you're a good man and a good emperor. I would have been proud to be a part of your court. But now there's no chance. I'm sorry. 

I'm especially sorry, father. I first took the Kakyo exam so I'd be able to be in a position to clear your name. But now your name will always be tarnished. I've failed you as a son. I'll never have a chance to help you. 

I've never had a chance to really help anyone...except...maybe if... 

"The scroll...the scroll that Taiitsukun gave me...before we...left home... Use it in my place. Tell everyone..." 

I see Tasuki's tears, and I just feel more afraid. But I'm still so happy he's here. He's been my closest friend on this journey, as different as we are. You have such a big heart, Tasuki. I'm going to miss you. 

It's getting...hard to breathe... 

"You really are such a strong and special guy. I've never met anyone as brave as you are," Tasuki says, choking back tears. 

Thank you, Tasuki... Thank you for trying to make me feel better. It helps a little. Even though I know the truth. There is nothing strong or special about me. And if you knew how terrified I am right now, you'd never say I was brave. 

Despite this, you've all been so good to me. You've tried to make me a part of your group, despite my uselessness. 

"Tell everyone...thank you..." The words are hard to say behind my gasps for air. I know it's coming soon. The world is growing dark...the book is closing on me. And I haven't even finished the first chapter...

* * *

_This was originally going to be a Mitsukake fic, but he refused to behave for me. I'll have to write another one about him some other time when he decides to speak to me. _

As you can probably tell, this is based off the dubbed version of the anime. I did look at both versions, and decided this one worked best with what I had planned. Plus, I happen to have nothing against the FY dub, myself. One of the better ones, I'll say. 

Okay, here's the disclaimer. The characters and situations are from Fushigi Yuugi and are property of the talented Yu Watase. This story was written with love, as Ms. Watase requests. 


End file.
